Saturday, March 18, 2017

Journal 43

Ididian Incident report form:
[Please do not sign above this line]
The following report is for incident # 8542, hereby known as “No Zero days”
Since Ididian 7 lost all power during this time no security footage could be found, so we will be having our onsite artist depict the events to hopefully show a clearer time line of what transpired.
Survivor 8
Interviewer: Please state your occupation.
Survivor 8: That information is classified, sir.
I: Oh god, not this again…
S8: You talk to Ms. Hammerhead already, sir?
I:Yes [interviewer takes off his glasses and sighs]
S8: then yes, I guess it’s this again, sir.
I: God dammit, I know you are a member of Ididian’s Strike elite Team, I.s.e.T. also known as “the Unit” Your name is… [Interviewer pauses] all your personal info is blacked out also, why I am not surprised… your I.s.e.T. codename is… “Ms. Brickhouse”
S8: That information is, to quote Mr.[redacted], “none of your damn business, and to--“
I: I swear to God if you say “eat a bag of dicks”, I will flip this damn table.
S8:”eat a bag of dicks” sir.
I: GOD DAMMIT!!! [Interviewer slams table]
I: Who called you in?
S8: Classified, sir.
I: Did you at any point come into contact with First Lieutenant C. Montgomery Maul?
S8: Classified, sir.
I: How long were you there?
S8: Classified, sir.
I: Oh my god, what is with you people? At least explain why you’re so beat to shit.
S8: I’d like to see you look any better after being dropped 237 floors…sir
I: Ididian 7 doesn’t have that many floors.
S8: I was briefed by an Alpha 1 clearance, sir. With orders to quote, “Not tell you shit”, sir.
I: I didn’t even ask a quest-- Okay, okay, calm down. Your file is almost entirely blacked out, but are you some kind of Orc or troll, some kind of elf? You’re clearly not human  
S8: was it the ears, height, or gigantic [redacted] that gave it away? Really observant there, sir.
I: [interviewer sighs] God in heaven… You have to answer my to serve my investigation!
S8: Are you head of the Ididian Corporation, Mr. [redacted], sir?
I: no
S8: Are you Captain C. Montgomery Maul, sir?
I: First Lieutenant, and no
S8: are you David Beckham’s penis, sir?
I: [interviewer takes off glasses to rub his eyes]… no
S8: Then until you become one or all those things, all that information is, to quote Mr.[redacted], “none of your damn business, and to eat a bag of dicks” sir.  
I: god dammit…

“No Zero day” death count is estimated to be 201 and 44 Contained at this point.

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