Journal 43

Ididian Incident report form:

[Please do not sign above this line]

The following report is for incident # 8542, hereby known as “No Zero days”

Since Ididian 7 lost all power during this time no security footage could be found, so we will be having our onsite artist depict the events to hopefully show a clearer time line of what transpired.

Survivor 8

Interviewer: Please state your occupation.

Survivor 8: That information is classified, sir.

I: Oh god, not this again…

S8: You talk to Ms. Hammerhead already, sir?

I:Yes [interviewer takes off his glasses and sighs]

S8: then yes, I guess it’s this again, sir.

I: God dammit, I know you are a member of Ididian’s Strike elite Team, I.s.e.T. also known as “the Unit” Your name is… [Interviewer pauses] all your personal info is blacked out also, why I am not surprised… your I.s.e.T. codename is… “Ms. Brickhouse”

S8: That information is, to quote Mr.[redacted], “none of your damn business, and to--“

I: I swear to God if you say “eat a bag of dicks”, I will flip this damn table.

S8:”eat a bag of dicks” sir.

I: GOD DAMMIT!!! [Interviewer slams table]

I: Who called you in?

S8: Classified, sir.

I: Did you at any point come into contact with First Lieutenant C. Montgomery Maul?

S8: Classified, sir.

I: How long were you there?

S8: Classified, sir.

I: Oh my god, what is with you people? At least explain why you’re so beat to shit.

S8: I’d like to see you look any better after being dropped 237 floors…sir

I: Ididian 7 doesn’t have that many floors.

S8: I was briefed by an Alpha 1 clearance, sir. With orders to quote, “Not tell you shit”, sir.

I: I didn’t even ask a quest-- Okay, okay, calm down. Your file is almost entirely blacked out, but are you some kind of Orc or troll, some kind of elf? You’re clearly not human  

S8: was it the ears, height, or gigantic [redacted] that gave it away? Really observant there, sir.

I: [interviewer sighs] God in heaven… You have to answer my to serve my investigation!

S8: Are you head of the Ididian Corporation, Mr. [redacted], sir?

I: no

S8: Are you Captain C. Montgomery Maul, sir?

I: First Lieutenant, and no

S8: are you David Beckham’s penis, sir?

I: [interviewer takes off glasses to rub his eyes]… no

S8: Then until you become one or all those things, all that information is, to quote Mr.[redacted], “none of your damn business, and to eat a bag of dicks” sir.  

I: god dammit…

“No Zero day” death count is estimated to be 201 and 44 Contained at this point.